4.11.2006

Everything's coming up roseola!

I had this whole Pesach post going in my head, and some recipes planned for pickyfingers, but MZ has her first earache, which it turns out is also a case of roseola, and all our plans are farkakte.

It's worth noting that MZ had her first fever on Yom Kippur, and I missed that observance completely. This week, we canceled our plans to spend 1st and 2nd nights with friends. Our big family seder is still a go for Saturday.

However, the more immediate picture: we've never seen MZ with a 103 fever and bodyaches before. She's on the mend now, all splotchy and even kind of giggly. But for three days she was miserable, so sad and sluggish and clingy. I spent hours holding her, that's all she really wanted. We'd lie on the sofa, and periodically she's attempt to participate in the life around her, with Hi cat or ball or book, but only just barely. When her dad or Pappa held her, she wouldn't let them sit, they had to walk her around the house till their backs ached. I returned to resting next to her crib to help her get to sleep, it was so clearly not a time for self-soothing.

This was all very difficult in practice, like having a 20-pound newborn. But what I didn't expect was the pain her pain would cause us. Beyond the normal pregnancy anxiety, I knew I would love my daughter. I just had no idea how much, and what that would feel like, how her pain would become my own, and how consuming that would be. As I held her on the sofa, my chest would tighten whenever she whimpered. I ached for her, could barely manage to keep from crying with her, had to remind myself that two crying moaning people were not going to get her better. I cheered with every sip of water, and we were positively jubilant when she lunged for my plate one night, and devoured a meal that seemed hearty after eating almost nothing for 24 hours.


We knew what was happening and when to expect her to feel better, but those three days lasted an eternity, and I've never been so happy to see a smile as I was today, when she woke up, not quite happy, but not crying. [What the hell am I going to do when she gets her first flu?]

I wish I had some clever analogy to Passover, but I don't, I'm too tired. I'm just so glad she's on the mend.

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