1.30.2006

Done

So the D&C went... well. In that it's over. It was not the 10-minute special that all reports led me to expect. I nearly didn't have R. come in with me, in fact, he just sort of blew in with me without me noticing (they had me take a valium 30 minutes before we got started), but I was immeasurably glad he was there.

Turns out none of the previous interventions had done anything to get things started, and when my OB got in there, the sac was resolutely stuck to my uterus, with no visible plans to vacate. It took about 35 minutes, I was totally conscious, it was uncomfortable and sometimes painful, and unlike labor, there was nothing particularly productive about the pain at all.

But the body has no ability to recall physical pain, while getting over full anesthesia would be a day+ endeavor, so in spite of everything, I'd do it this way again.

The harder part is to figure out how I'm handling the actual loss. There's so much stuff tied up in this, it's hard to know if I've let myself mourn. This was a little person, a wanted little person who for whatever reason couldn't make it out to us. And for that I'm sad.

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